Stuttering

Something strange is happening to me: I can’t speak in public any more. I used to be OK at it, was on the school debating team ten years ago, but now I can’t get the words out or express what I mean unless I’m really comfortable with the people I’m with or I have a text written out in full.

Twice in committees over the last week I’ve bumbled through my list of points, faltering, stumbling over the words, badly making my point, and ending up redfaced and sweating whilst the officers and councillors I was addressing nodded politely and pretended to have understood what I was driving at.

In a group meeting earlier in the week, it wasn’t a case of failing to talk in sentences, it was actual, bona fide stuttering. Couldn’t get a word out. Very frustrating. Talking is not difficult in group, because there are not many of us and we know each other well. So I don’t understand why something that came so naturally not so very long ago is now causing me trouble.

Sleeping times have been particularly strange this week: Monday, I forgot to set my radio to come on the night before and then slept through the alarm I did set. What with it being a dark day, and in any case little sun gets to the back of our house where we sleep. I didn’t come to til 3pm, and then, of course, it was a race to get things done in time for a meeting at 7.30pm. Paul has been away much of this week, staying at home with his parents whilst he has hospital appointments to fix his teeth, poor lamb. When he’s here, I try(largely unsuccessfully) to keep normal hours, because otherwise it’s not fair on him. The days he’s not, I’ve still been at my computers at 5am. Watching Alias on one, working on another. I’m fortunate that much of my job can be done in the wee small hours.

As you’d expect, every gay mailing list and group I’m in has mentioned the passage of the Civil Partnership bill; I was reading last night that la reyne le veuylt — it’s now the Civil Partnerships Act 2004. Gay rights is what got me into politics eight years ago, by writing to my MP at Stonewall’s suggestion. A bit later on, I joined the Lib Dems after reading DELGA’s page, then maintained by St MYM, after I felt they agreed with me on gay issues, and reading around a bit, and discovering they agreed with me on issues like Europe and funding higher education. I was a member who didn’t do anything until I saw a poster advertising for volunteers in Nick Clegg‘s office, which I signed up to and helped out, until eventually I was offered a job there. Working exposed me to councillors, who said they were short of candidates, would I let my name go forward? And in 2003, I got elected to Nottingham City Council. It’s a convoluted leap from lobbying my MP on the age of consent to devoting 90% of my waking life to various bodies of the Lib Dems, but hey, it passes the time.

I’m wondering now who amongst the people I know will get CPed first? Is it going to be a year of fabulous parties? Having spent the last few years barely going a month without another wedding, are we set for a really expensive year…?

West Wing

Well. I’ve just sat here and watched the two most recent episodes of the West Wing back to back. Most recent in America, that is. Very few people in the UK seem to be watching series six and it’s killing me not having anyone to talk to about it. The events that have just unfolded are storming, the most interesting things I’ve seen on WW in years — and Channel 4 is still on series 4! Argh! I shall mosey on shortly to see what TelevisionWithoutPity thinks of the most recent ones, but they were unjustifiably a little sniffy about the first two, for reasons that I have to be vague about here in case my avid readers construe my pearldrops as spoilers. TWP hits the spot more consistently with Alias, I think.

It’s perhaps not healthy being quite so involved with the senior staffers in Bartlett’s Whitehouse. I spent the first part of today in Long Eaton at a real political meeting; it would be nice if the Regional Exec fired me up as much as the West Wing does. Amongst other things, I was given the planned running schedule of some training I’ll be helping to deliver in the New Year. It’s good to get a chance to put into practice some of what I learned in London last weekend.

What I learned involved some very brief looks at NLP (but didn’t find out what kind (V/A/K) of communicator I am) and some Honey/Mumford Learning Styles work (apparently I’m a ‘top-tips’ kinda gal, a pragmatist). It was an exhausting two day course, with less than ideal chairs which meant come the end of it I was acheing to get out. Literally. Maybe my introvert side was showing through also, having to spend an entire weekend in close proximity to people with no time at all to myself, not even the evenings, since I was cadging a bed from my brother and spent the evenings catching up as best we could before he flew to Stornaway in the early hours of Sunday morning. Introvert, one part of Myers-Briggs INTP, which apparently is me. Google it yourself!

But there were some real high points to the course, and it was certainly useful. I’m strating to have flashbacks to the six months I spent delivering other people’s IT courses and wondering what I put my former students through.

A little technology update: I think I mentioned the new phone, a shiny Nokia 6230, now updated with Shell Island wallpaper and thanks to the kindness of eBay, a swanky bluetooth headset. I was discussing artwork with a PPC whilst chopping garlic last night. Seamless. Although of course reaching to click the button meant I got root vegetables in my hair–something that would not have been a problem only six months ago, but now, with my flowing golden locks, something I should take more notice of. The kind vendors of eBay have also furnished me with some killer Christmas presents, of which more later. ie after Christmas.

I’ve just downloaded a new killer ap — a POP3 client for my system tray, to bolt onto my increasingly complicated mail arrangements. It now sits there, on my permanently connected desktop, flashing in hideous colours to remind me when I should check hit ctrl-U in AMEOL and ctrl-E in Agent on my laptop. Lordy me. Right now, there are 169 mails waiting in three accounts. I’m not even going to mention the 13,000 unread messages in rec.travel.europe that I’m probably never going to read. And now is certainly not the time to do anything about the 120,174 unread messages in 93 conferences on Cix. Oh dear.

And one day, I’m going to get this office tidy enough for me to hoover it.

Book meme

Grab the nearest book.
Open the book to page 23.
Find the fifth sentence.
Post the text of the sentence in your journal…
…along with these instructions.

Were Warwickshire’s funerary suppliers capable of a bilingual pun? wondered Pascoe.

Saw the idea in Etrigan’s journal.

London for the weekend

Well, yesterday’s election not so good for us as we lost a held seat to the Conservatives by a fairly hefty margin. Ho, hum.

I’m down in London for a night or two at a Lib Dem training event all day both weekend days, and staying at my brother’s well-appointed digs near Aldgate. Rather nice flat, costing him not more than his last hall of residence did.

Tomorrow is Training 4 Trainers. Oh, joy unbounded.

Focus crazy

A day spent laying out FOCUS capped off with the delight of a group meeting in the council.

30 Euro has bought me a program that will bring together my mobile phone data and my PDA, so now I can have my diary on just the one device — and my computers of course. Wahey.

I’m nearly done with AliasII… 20 mins more and I’ll know everything. They’re assembling yet another Rambaldi device as I type this. No good season is complete without a walloping bitchfight. Go, Francie, go! You demolish that apartment, girls!

I’ve been reading the pages at TelevisionWithoutPity recently — they take the mick comprehensively out of everything I’ve been watching recently. It’s great!

West Wing has started up in the US and I’m trying to keep abreast of the new series as it’s broadcast. 6×02 is very sad — poor Leo! It’s edifying that whilst the real American election is happening, Pres Bartlett appears to be fixing the Middle East problem.

I just woke up in Hong Kong with no idea how I got here.

Ace. Wotta cliffhanga.

Piscean genocide

The stiff, lifeless bodies of two of the five new goldfish have been unceremoniously disposed of in the traditional manner. I think my optimism re: miraculous recovery following better living conditions was misplaced.

The mussels seem fine. They seem able to move a long old way under their own steam, and are often in surprisingly remote corners of the tank.

I have just had to cry off a meal with friends at the Balti House on health grounds. My abdomen has been painful for the last week, and my jaw for even longer, and I just didn’t think one of their traditional enormous curries would help terribly much. Instead, I made some sort of Greek potato stew, improvising from a recipe found on cix:/gourmet — sliced, sauteed potatoes laid thinly across the bottom of a dish, covered in a sauce made from onion, garlic, tomatoes, olives, red wine and chilli, and baked for an hour. I didn’t quite cook it for long enough, so the onion was still a bit too crunchy. I ate it with home-made bread and home-brewed beer and felt very virtuous. I can manage more healthy eating like this.

The onions were from that nice grocery called Sheikh, where the fabulously priced oranges come from. Onions are no more expensive–there ought to be a sign that says, “Sheikh, for people who like onions.” A huge gert multi-kilo bag that was tricky lug home for only two-fifty. Spectactular. I made onion soup to celebrate, and will serve it to my parents when they visit later in the week.

Over in Ambridge, I’m convinced that Jill Archer is an evil witch, despite the placid exteriour. The way yesterday she asked whether Ruth’s cough (was it TB? Secondary cancers? Mammoth red herring?) was starting to get better–the clear implication was that she’d taken the pins out of the Ruth-Archer wax doll concealed in a dresser-drawer in the Bungalow. Today, the R4 announcer told us “Kenton Archer is helping the children look for firewood for bonfire night; what could possibly go wrong?” What indeed.

Aquarist's news

Oh dear. An aquarist friend of Paul’s has identified Fin Rot on the backs of some the new fish, and has a gloomy prognosis.

But http://www.fishdoc.co.uk/disease/finrot.htm says:

[…] stress is the major cause of fin rot. This could be due to a fish disease such as parasites, or overcrowding, low oxygen levels, bullying, poor water quality etc. The most important first step is to resolve any stressors. If caught early, this may be sufficient.

Hmm. Now the fish are in my care, they’re not overcrowded and the should be enough oxygen. I can work on the water quality. Maybe it’s not such a problem.

Oh, well. At least the mussels don’t have fins.

The highlight of the weekend was a trip up to Hull to see I’m Sorry I haven’t a Clue being recorded the New Theatre. A bit of a strange experience: it’s much slower in real life, presumably because they edit it down to half an hour. Certainly funny, but I actually think I prefer it on the radio. The audience was staggeringly middle-class — I felt out ra-raed when I popped down to the bar at half time for a coffee. A barely teenage girl asked, “Do you think a place like this will do Pimm’s?” (I was uncertain whether she was dissing Hull in general or the New Theatre in specific. Bits of Hull were quite pretty, and the New Theatre was great.) and someone else was complaining that the dry white wine wasn’t dry enough for her tastes. Apparently the shows aren’t to be broadcast until quite late in December. You’ll recognise me as the one person to applaud a move in Mornington Cresc. I really like the episodes where the audience reacts to MC moves with applause, gasps, etc., but my attempt to get that into this show fell flat.

Hull being near Grimsby it was easier to pop to the same friend’s parents we stayed with last week for the night rather than struggling back to Nottingham in the dark. It’s a shame that Paul wasn’t able to come with us this weekend, but his madrigal group had a gig at someone’s wedding.

Paul’s parents popped in briefly this evening on the way somewhere and had a nice cup of tea and a slice of today’s bread, made with Hovis granary flour.

I started drinking the homebrew in earnest. It is nice, but there’s so much CO2 in the pressure barrel that pouring the beer is tricky: you end up with an enormous head, and if you turn the tap on too hard by mistake instead of turning it off, beer all over the cellar floor. I don’t think I’m actually going to be drinking many of these 40 pints…

Getting through the Alias at a rate of knots — now at 2×11. What next?!

Aquarist’s news

Oh dear. An aquarist friend of Paul’s has identified Fin Rot on the backs of some the new fish, and has a gloomy prognosis.

But http://www.fishdoc.co.uk/disease/finrot.htm says:

[…] stress is the major cause of fin rot. This could be due to a fish disease such as parasites, or overcrowding, low oxygen levels, bullying, poor water quality etc. The most important first step is to resolve any stressors. If caught early, this may be sufficient.

Hmm. Now the fish are in my care, they’re not overcrowded and the should be enough oxygen. I can work on the water quality. Maybe it’s not such a problem.

Oh, well. At least the mussels don’t have fins.

The highlight of the weekend was a trip up to Hull to see I’m Sorry I haven’t a Clue being recorded the New Theatre. A bit of a strange experience: it’s much slower in real life, presumably because they edit it down to half an hour. Certainly funny, but I actually think I prefer it on the radio. The audience was staggeringly middle-class — I felt out ra-raed when I popped down to the bar at half time for a coffee. A barely teenage girl asked, “Do you think a place like this will do Pimm’s?” (I was uncertain whether she was dissing Hull in general or the New Theatre in specific. Bits of Hull were quite pretty, and the New Theatre was great.) and someone else was complaining that the dry white wine wasn’t dry enough for her tastes. Apparently the shows aren’t to be broadcast until quite late in December. You’ll recognise me as the one person to applaud a move in Mornington Cresc. I really like the episodes where the audience reacts to MC moves with applause, gasps, etc., but my attempt to get that into this show fell flat.

Hull being near Grimsby it was easier to pop to the same friend’s parents we stayed with last week for the night rather than struggling back to Nottingham in the dark. It’s a shame that Paul wasn’t able to come with us this weekend, but his madrigal group had a gig at someone’s wedding.

Paul’s parents popped in briefly this evening on the way somewhere and had a nice cup of tea and a slice of today’s bread, made with Hovis granary flour.

I started drinking the homebrew in earnest. It is nice, but there’s so much CO2 in the pressure barrel that pouring the beer is tricky: you end up with an enormous head, and if you turn the tap on too hard by mistake instead of turning it off, beer all over the cellar floor. I don’t think I’m actually going to be drinking many of these 40 pints…

Getting through the Alias at a rate of knots — now at 2×11. What next?!

Milton Jones

Hmmm, plenty of .sig material in these old Radio 4 shows.

I think for the next ole while, this little ditty will do:

I’ve been here since the dawn of time
All big and red and mighty
So please don’t drop your litter here
But take it home to Blighty

Pam Ayres Rock

Wow, what a day.

First, can I just say I finally made it back to the gym yesterday evening. I’m so proud. I even managed my full 20 minutes CV stuff without completely collapsing.

However, am now at a new gym nearer my new home (I moved house in May) and all the equipment is different. I don’t recognise half the weight machines and the emphasis is much more on macho things like free weights. There isn’t even an exercise bike! So I’ll have to do another induction. And there’s a bit of lack of decent showers. Whilst the last place was filled with homely-looking men and women with grey hair, the city-centre one is filled with intimidating muscled hunks (one guy managed 30 minutes solid on the rower!). On the plus side, the same centre has a pool and a sauna, which the old one didn’t. I have now found my swimming trunks again, never lost my prescription goggles, so as soon as they fill the pool I’m back in the drink. The, er, good, healthy drink.

Spent much of today properly clearing my in-tray at the council for the first time in quite a while, then came home.

Things have been ending today. The beer has finished its initial fermentation so I decanted it into a pressure barrel for two more days of fermenting, and then it should be ready to drink. Wow. 40 pints. Like that’s not undermining the gym…

And we watched the last two episodes of 24-II. Wow. We’ve promised ourselves III for Xmas.

The last few days I’ve been having aches and pains in my back, possibly linked to the fact that I spent this week working from home, with my laptop, either on the sofa or at the dining room table, neither of which is any good ergonomically. And all this when I have a really good desk and chair in the attic room, that I just can’t drag my sorry butt up to. Paul says it’s important, and he’s right.

So after the cataclysmic events unfolding in LA (can’t help but feel that it would have been a whole lot better with Bartlett…) I came up here, and googled for port replicators for the laptop. And top of the list was something a mate recommended in his blog a day or two ago. www.laptopsuperstore.co.uk can do me the specific docking station to match my laptop for only 7 quid. Unbelievable. www.ebuyer.co.uk can sell me a KVM switch for 15 quid, so tonight, (coincidentally payday) I’m in techie heaven.

Talking of Bartlett, I have a new naff polyphonic ringtone to replace the Rasmus which has been driving people nuts. Thanks to www.free-ringtones-free-logos.com it’s now the West Wing theme. Bartlett IS President!

And here’s a cracking gay website about what to do apart from bars and clubs in London: www.gawhydontyou.com

After a councillor’s surgery in Aspley Library tomorrow, we’re off to see the Rumble Band in Cleethorpes. Yay.