So, Eurovision was a little disappointing. I was at a party with close friends, some of whom had got into the swing of things very much, watching the semi-final, following the acts, etc, and some of whom hadn’t at all.
The house we were in was in the throes of being decorated, which allowed us to stick things to the walls, and our host had prepared a full set of flags for the countries who qualified, and as each song was sung, we stuck a flag to the wall, higher or lower depending on whether the assembled throng liked the song or not.
Here’s our final ranking:
Germany, Sweden, Greece and the Ukraine came top of our list. But our own song – Scooch – for which obviously we weren’t allowed to vote, was a big hit at our party. Many people there hadn’t seen it before, and really liked the moves, the routine and the innuendo that went with the song.
The nations were divvied up between the attendees, who had to come with a drink and a dessert from their countries. I found Romanian and Bulgarian wine, and made a Charlotka (Apple Charlotte – my version was basically a bread pudding with apple purée spread on the slices of bread). Spot prizes were awarded during the evening for a number of arbitrary categories like “Scariest Lead Singer”, “Most Sexually Offensive Dance Routine”, and “Least Clothes by End of Set”. There were also detailed factsheets for each of the nations filled in with entirely spurious comedy facts.
So, the evening progressed, I twittered a bit, and we were all in fine fettle.
And then the voting began.
We voted Germany, Sweden, Finland, Ukraine and think the UK should be in with a real chance partic when West Yurp reacts to being voted out.
Our working hypothesis was that the new tranche of Eastern European countries had voted for each other to force the Western European countries out at the semi final stage. But those countries all still had votes. We rather expected them to be voting against the Eastern bloc on principle.
But it didn’t happen.
No votes? None at all? Mood at party plummeting. I blame Tony Blair.
Halfway through the voting we were languishing at the bottom of the table on 0, having failed to score any high points from any other country, and worse, also having failed to score any of the low ranking points either! We were down there with Latvia and Ireland. We hadn’t liked Ireland’s song, and Latvia’s tenor ensemble wasn’t too bad, but certainly didn’t deserve 0.
Deflated debate ensued about whether they hadn’t liked the song – perhaps it was too irreverent? Too blatantly sexual? More like pop from a decade ago?
Or do our European neighbours really hold us in such low regard?
Or is it just the Eastern European bloc, with its high numbers of small nations, each with high numbers of points to allocate, and with loads of equally small neighbours to placate, skewing the vote?
Then the unthinkable happened!
Now even Ireland and Latvia have something! And us on nil! I’m definitely getting a Scooch-based ring-tone.
Latvia and Ireland managed to score before us! How could this be?
I absented myself from the room to answer a call of nature, and missed all the countries who did actually favour us with their votes, but I heard the cheering from the other end of the house.
Turkey?! 12 points to Turkey? Ireland deserve to tank, but SCOOCH WUZ ROBBED! The creepy serbian lesbos have it.
So by this time, fully deflated, we turned over to watch the TOTP2 Eurovision special, and attempt to finish off the food.
I wonder if I should write Scooch a letter – they must be feeling awful!
One good thing to come out of the evening – I have finally found a strong enough super maxi supreme ultra grip hair gel to do what I want to do with my hair…
(That was my “straight-one-from-scooch” costume – strangely enough, I had a ready supply of yellow ties and just needed to find white shirt, blue jacket for that impromptu airline pilot look.)